Tears, TACS and tantrums.

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It happened really quickly. . . . It always does with us, (something I am eternally grateful for) and after 4 weeks of contraception free ‘Mum & Dad time’ we got our first positive pregnancy test! Hurrrrraaaar you say? No. Que the worlds biggest melt down.

What an earth have we done? How could we be so irresponsible? I just cant do this. How could I be so deluded. We could never have a normal pregnancy and I was stupid to ever believe otherwise. I crept upstairs and cried for the afternoon. I cried and I cried and I cried.

After an afternoon of tears I remembered the last conversation I held with our wonderful Consultant after the premature delivery of Jacob. There was something they could do to help. Something to help my ‘insufficient cervix’ hold out long enough to keep a baby safe. A procedure called a TAC and it was carried out during pregnancy!

A visit to the GP happened and a referral made to a specialist based at Leeds Hospital. He would carry out the procedure and the remainder of my care would happen at Burnley General. Winner. Problem solved. I left happy that day.

The next day I received a call from a terribly polite midwife based at our local hub. An appointment had been made for us to visit a consultant in Rossendale, not Leeds, and they would be taking care of not only my care but my procedure too. This just keeps on getting better and better. I am winning at life this week!

In a nutshell, the appointment happened, the consultant was a dick head and I was left feeling more vulnerable then ever before. She informed me that I would have an elective cervical suture at 15 weeks and that my care plan would be identical to last time. I went into labour at 12 weeks, had an emergency suture and it failed at 25 weeks. Jacob was born by natural delivery and spent 18 weeks in hospital. 10 weeks of that in intensive care fighting for his life, too tiny to hold. On top of that the Consultant also told me at this appointment that a TAC (Trans Abdominal Cerclage) the procedure that was to save this baby, would cause a miscarriage if carried out during pregnancy.

I was once again at home, in bed and crying. I stayed there for the next 12 hours. I was absolutely Heartbroken. There really was no hope at all. We had made a terrible mistake. I feared for this tiny life we had created and for the upset that was imminent.

I finally fell asleep that night unsure of what tomorrow would bring.

2 thoughts on “Tears, TACS and tantrums.

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  1. I saw that you had followed my blog so I checked yours out too! I am pregnant again and made it to 12 weeks. Woohoo! I know you can understand the feeling. I’m also due in March! It will be fun to check in on your blog and share in your happiness when you meet your little peanut! Best wishes to you!!!

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